I've not worked on my novel in days.  I'd like to blame it all on being so sick, but really it's just loss of motivation.  I think I may have plotted out this novel so much, that now it's like, "Why do I have to write this AGAIN? Even though I haven't written it yet. I feel like that about everything. Every one else should already KNOW what I'm thinking! Gosh!

But I have been sick.  I've been having "stomach" troubles.  I say stomach because I don't want to address what it really is, which isn't so much my stomach (I think) as it is the rest of it.  I've been dealing with it for years but lately things are terrible. 

So I got things that are supposed to be soothing... I bought chamomile tea, and got some things that are full of fiber.  Hasn't seemed to work a lick!  I also have those Activia yogurts, but I'm worried now that part of my issue is lactose intollerance.  I just can't stand lactose and its disgusting lifestyle! :P

But yeah, I hate talking about that stuff, so let's talk about ANOTHER thing.  I woke up this morning with my bottom left wisdom tooth causing so much trouble!  That particular wisdom tooth is the last one that has yet to erupt.  My others are in and didn't cause me much trouble.  But the gum was swollen up so much I couldn't shut my mouth!

My first solution was to wad up some paper and bite on it, so I wouldn't bite on the gums anymore (I think I tend to clench my teeth when I sleep).  But as I looked up what it was (probably pericoronitus) I decided that it would be better to get up for the day and try to take care of it.  Plus, My Little Pony was coming on!

So I gently brushed my teeth and the gum area, although it hurt pretty bad.  This was worrying because it could lead to the only solution being dental surgery.  Then I made a warm salt water mixture and gargled that for a while.  I also ate a popsicle to get something cold in my mouth.  They said to check for food stuck in your gums... I did manage to get a tiny flake of something out that might have been a popcorn shell.  The swelling went down within no time!

I went back to sleep (after watching My Little Pony) and my gums have been good ever since.  I noticed since then that the gums seem to be shredding, which hopefully means that the tooth is getting ready to emerge soon.  I hope that the swelling doesn't come back, but at least I know how to take care of it.

Now if only I knew such a quick cure for my stomach problems.

So I tried to make a joke by making a ridiculous, contradicting political claim. I tried doing this by mushing together liberal/conservative/republican/democrat and saying that they (as if all of these different groups were the same) would create a dictatorship/communist/fascist society.  Funny because so many of those things are polar opposites, right?  Well, except that apparently "Libertarian" is NOT a synonym for "liberal".  Oops.  So I very nearly offended someone who thought I was ripping on conservatives. I did offend her until I explained that I got the wrong word. Man, I fail! I tried to make a joke about political ignorance and ended up showing it instead.

I need to have someone like Inigo Montoya to always check what I'm typing and say, "That word - I do not think it means what you think it means."

I should just never talk about politics.  Personally I used to think I was Democrat until I realized I have a lot in common with Republicans, and I've been confused ever since. But in my opinion both sides can be massive idiots. Maybe a dichromatic system is too black and white for me. So I don't know what I am anymore.  I'm so confused by political jargon, that if it weren't for America's emphasis on WWII in history class, I might have ended up in the National Socialist German Workers' Party or some crazy thing. 

I guess I'll just either a) stay out altogether or b) overdose on some sort of psychedelic drug that will permanently put me into a comatose state of My Little Pony hallucinations. That's a solid plan, right?  If anyone knows how to raise my chances of success with plan b, let me know.

On the Absolute Write forums, someone posted along the lines of saying that characters shouldn't be based on real people, they should be stereotypes that walk and talk like real people do.

I'm a real person! Honest!

 
Cue a knee jerk reaction that, Noooo stereotypes are bad.  But it got me thinking, any way.  I still think writing a character as a stereotype is lazy and a bad way to purposely approach making a character.  But basing your character after your best friend is not the wisest move, either.

Writers really shouldn't insert themselves into a story, but is there ever a character that a writer can't see themselves in at all?  I don't think so - not if the character is well-rounded enough.

This is my outward appearance.

People are tricky, complex, contradicting creatures.  I might as well just talk about myself as the only example, because I'm best qualified to talk about me.  If I had to give myself a quick stereotypical description, I'd probably go with "attention whore".  I always want something crazy to say to get attention.  But at the same time I'm really reclusive and I suck at socializing with people.  Is that description accurate?  Yes, but it's grossly one dimensional.  There are a million little things that make up who I am, and most of them are oddly contradicting.

Me as a writer. Yes, this disturbs me, too.

 If you saw my profile on AW, its got an avatar with a fat unicorn and rainbows, and my signature is similarly packed with sickeningly cute things.  Yet I don't often find something worth writing unless it's full of disembowelment or such things.  I love unicorns and glitter, my personality to others is pretty much trying to be everyone's funny friend, but I write about death and mayhem.  If I were a character, you'd probably throw the book against the wall because I'm so wildly inconsistent and badly written.

I am a character.

What?  No, I didn't self-insert.  At least, I didn't try to.  I will confess, when I began my character, she was secondary and I could only describe her in a stereotype, knowing fully well that it wasn't all she was:  "slutty".  That was all that I could put my finger on.  Now that characterization is kind of obliterated, but she's still the same girl.  I see myself in her - namely, the lack of ability to connect to reality.  I didn't even realize it.

My werewolf? I see my shared desire for the macabre.

Her brothers?  I see my struggle with sexuality, how sometimes I can think I'm better and smarter than other people, and my fear of "settling" for what life has given me.

Every one seems to have a piece of me, or something that I can connect to.  Even though one is closeted, one is racist, and one is family orientated, and those are things that are far away from what I am.

What I'm getting at is that it's okay to put a piece of yourself into a character.  There's a difference between writing yourself into a self-indulgent fantasy, and putting a facet of yourself and your experience into a character.

This book emotionally destroyed me. So good.

I've been many people in my life.  I've been an angry little kid.  I've been naive and detached from reality.  I've been a loving friend, and I've been a backstabber.  I've been a criminal.  I've been a philosopher.  I've been the girl who lost a parent.  I've been the one who will fight to the death over what she believes in, but who is too insecure to pick up a phone.  To label myself as one of any of those things is ridiculously narrow, but I can use a few of those facets and build an entirely new character.

It's not just my characters.  Take Animorphs, for example (I loved Animorphs. Okay, I still do).  Jake, the virtuous leader. Rachel, the fighting spirit.  Marco, the joker.  Tobias, the emotionally aloof.  Cassie, the bleeding heart.  Ax, the curious and intellectual.  I see parts of myself in all of them, even if I don't like it.
 
I'm interested - if you think about it, can you relate to all of your major characters, even if you have to admit it's through a bad trait?

People say, Write what you know.

Since when have you ever known YOURSELF to be a one-sided stereotype?

Dear freshman girl,

I had the pleasure of helping you in pep band for a short time. In that time, I grew fond of you, because of your affiliation of being a fellow percussionist, and out of sympathy and fascination for your personal life - namely, your "friendships".

I've heard from elementary teachers before that when you go into high school, even the strongest friendships are often ripped apart. For you, I hope that is true. This may seem awful to you, but in my own opinion, losing your friends could possibly be the best thing to happen for you personally, and anyone else in your position. I know they may seem so important now, but frankly to the rest of us, your friends are batshiat insane. They constantly upset you, and one has so many tantrums and emotional breakdowns it is a wonder that she has any friends at all (and honestly, she reminds me of myself at her age).

There's a sort of magical quality to high school, even one as small as ours. You can see someone every day for a year, but then their schedule changes, and suddenly you never see them at school. Never.

This is the death sentence to friendships, though it doesn't have to be. I had 2 best friends when I started elementary school. I was a horrible little girl back then, like your overly emotional friend. But things change, and personalities smooth out. I went from loving them to hating them to loving them again. And we are still friends now, coming out of high school. We stayed in touch through clubs, after school activities, and social networks.

But this magical disappearing act can be wonderful - and I know this sounds mean - to get rid of old friends. Sometimes you would have to put in extra effort to ever see someone. This means that a bad friendship can grow apart, and you can each go your own way. Perhaps you will become friends again someday. If they aren't good for you, let them go. And I beg you, bass drummer girl, let your two friends drift away. Let them grow with experience and let their minds and emotions settle.

You will all change over time, some more than others. They may come back to you, or you may realize you are so glad to never see them again. You may not even remember them. The thing is, we are not the same person we used to be years ago. I would not be friends today with many people I used to play with. I am friends today with many people I never would have gone near as a kid.

Lastly, one thing I wildly endorse is to be yourself. Dance even if there is no music. Sing when everyone is paralyzed with fear to speak. Do what you want to do, not what everyone else is doing. The result is that you will love life more, enjoy your days, love yourself. Those who make friends with you will truly like you for YOU, as opposed to a mannequin version of yourself who only knows how to follow the trends and listen to the popular music.

I care deeply for you, drummer girl, because I see so much of my troubled former self in you. Know that I don't have the answers to everything, but I have found personal happiness, and that is what I wish for you.

Sincerely,
A drummer girl