Yes, a wish.

True fucking story.

My mother has a history of mental illness.  Most of my childhood is filled with memories of her convulsing in a seizure that never seemed to end, or schizophrenic episodes, or her trying to kill herself.  And I was spared from most of it, being very detached from reality as a kid.

I remember eating jelly beans as a kid, and sorting out the black ones for my mom to eat.  Except that she fell asleep, and wouldn't wake up.  And then she started shaking.

I remember having friends over for the night, and watching with them from my bedroom window while my mom was put into an ambulance for what felt like the millionth time.

I remember her losing her memory and me having to follow her through a strange city with no shoes on.  She wanted to go for a walk and wouldn't wait.  She stopped at a house I'd never seen before because we'd never lived in that city, and her insisting that she lived there for years and planted the tree in the front yard.

I remember her freaking out because she thought that there were locusts and rats all over her body.

And her swallowing all of the pills in her prescription bottles.

This went on for YEARS.  It started when I was seven, as far as I even remember, and going on to junior high school (8th grade).

In 8th grade I met my first girlfriend, and consequently, I met one of her long-standing friends.

He was a lanky kid with shoulder-length greasy hair and a pimply face.  The first thing he ever said to me was, "Will you go out with me?"  I said "No."  He cheered, explaining that he was on a hot streak of rejections.

He told me that he was a druid.  He and my girlfriend very much enjoyed a variety of things that I can only describe as Tolkien-ish.  It was beyond my understanding, but it seemed very high fantasy.  It's still beyond my understanding.

One day he explained to me about wishes, and that for some reason or another (I might have done something to earn them, but I'm not sure) he owed me three wishes.

He begged me for days to make my wishes, but I waited.  Because even though wishes seem impossible, I wasn't careless enough to just throw them away.

Finally I told him one thing that I wanted.  I wanted my mom to be cured.  Medication was like a wild carousel of Not Helping.  She was either going to have a seizure and never wake up again, or she was going to kill herself.

He drew some symbols on the ground and did his thing.  Then he asked what else I wanted.  I told him I'd wait and see if my mom got better first.

I lost contact with him.  I have no idea where he is and haven't seen him again.

Since then my mother has never had an issue.  No seizures.  No schizophrenia.  No more chasing a woman who doesn't remember who I am.  She's gone from completely unstable, having her driver's license taken away, some sort of episode once a week at BEST, to having a job, living a normal life, just being... totally FINE.

I didn't even connect the dots until earlier this year.  I realized my life used to be a whirlwind of ambulances coming every damn night for my mom.  None of that happened anymore.  I told my friend about it.  He was skeptical, but he couldn't deny that my mom had gone from a total jar of rocks to a normal human being.  Coincidence, you could say, but f*ck you, it's magic!!!

One thing I learned, though, is that my mother is a massive bitch.  :/  You can't blame bipolar for everything.

So, you're welcome, mom.  I cured you with a druid's wish, and you don't even know.

Seriously.

I've had creepily accurate horoscopes before, but this one takes the cake.  Today I made the mistake of calling someone out for their points of view and blah blah blah it's impossible to argue anyway.  Like any debate, you're never going to change the person's point of view.  I'm just not smart enough with words for this shit.  All it ended up doing was raising my blood pressure to RAGE because, surprise, they didn't listen to what I was saying, they just basically heard what they wanted to.

My horoscope:

Although interactive Mercury comforts you while it is visiting emotional Cancer, your words seem more confrontational today than you intend. Your key planet Pluto is in a passionate tug-of-war with the cosmic messenger, allowing harsh words to easily slip off your tongue. The consequences of your current honesty could stir up a hornet's nest of complex feelings. Unnecessary stress can be avoided if you stop to consider other people's reactions before you speak.

 I'm a little bit freaked out.  I think I have discovered my Religion.  Seriously, I need to start reading these every day and plotting my day accordingly.  It even warned me a day in advance:

Fortunately, you are able to avoid a needless argument if you simply remember to tread softly. It just isn't necessary to get bent out of shape over something that ultimately isn't that important.

but I wasn't reading it because I never thought too much of horoscopes, even though I do relate to my sign.

So, yeah, I think that I need to start planning my days according to these horoscopes.  Like, decide if I need to lock myself in my room for a day to avoid confrontation.

Seriously, I think they sell handcuffs at the local sex shop.  Seems like a good investment right now.

I haven't done my Wiccan Rede Study for a while, so let's get back to it.  Even if you're not into it, I hope you can appreciate a bit of knowledge. ;)


I would bet that you, the reader, can remember some nursery rhymes or lessons taught in school, such as "I before E, except after C."

"There once was a man from Peru..."

Very simply, the use of rhymes makes something easier to remember.  All of the power in a spell comes from the person speaking the words, and giving them a meaning.  If you do not concentrate on your words, and the meaning behind them, then the spell will likely not work, or will work incorrectly.

Like prayer, spells can be a simple offering of thanks to a god, or a wish for more money.  One may cast a simple money spell, and soon realize that they come across more money than they think.  And when they do, they will hold onto it.  But don't think that money will materialize out of thin air for you.

One quick note: Love spells that force someone to love you are bad. You can make yourself more open to love, or even make them more open to love, but you cannot force them to love you. Just watch the move The Craft and see why it's bad.

Let's talk about supplies for spells

Now, technically you don't need a thing at all.  Wicca is a really flexible religion, because no one thing is the right or only way to get something done.  If anyone ever tells you otherwise, they probably just want your money.

That being said, there are things that can improve your spell casting.  Writing the spell down on paper, for example, and then burning that paper while you say it. (Be careful with fire!)

Candles can be used to set the mood, and their colors can also help relate to what you're doing a spell for.  White is fine and multi-purpose for all spiritual occasions, and is also popular for protection spells.  Red is good for love spells, fertility, power, strength, etc. Green is a good color for money spells, health, luck, etc. Yellow is good for wisdom, creativity, happiness, mental energy, etc. Blue is a good color for peace, truth, protection, and communication.  Black is also a color for protection, energy, and power.   Finally I will add that purple is said to be the color for the goddess, and gold the color for the god.  For more colors and more meanings for each color, try looking here.

There are also a variety of herbs or incenses you could include for a spell session.  One could use a protecting herb like bay to begin every spell.  There are far too many choices to begin to list. I recommend Scott Cunningham's Encyclopedia of Magical Herbs.  It's really handy and has so much to offer, such as alternative names for plants, a way to look up which plants will help make it rain or other things, and some interesting facts.  (Did you know that witches supposedly chewed celery seeds to help them fly on broomsticks?)  Otherwise, good luck searching on the web. :)


There is no wrong way to cast a spell.  One thing I do recommend is making a ritual out of it, to give the occasion some significance.  A common way to do it is to start by cleansing your area - literally and figuratively sweep out negative energy - and then casting a circle.  Make sure you have your supplies beforehand, and spell in mind.  Then you could open by calling on the gods you pray to, and even doing a North East South West thing.  Say your words - you may want to repeat them a few times (choose a significant number, like 3) - and light any candles or burn any incense that you want to.  Spend a while visualizing what you want to come from this spell session.  Maybe just some serenity for yourself.  Do whatever you want to to reinforce your visualization of what you want.  When you're done, thank the gods and dismiss them, then visualize your circle closing.

Remember that a spell is more powerful when it is written by YOU.  It doesn't have to be long, and it doesn't have to be award-winning.  It actually doesn't even have to rhyme.  Just get out the words that have meaning to you.  GIVE them meaning, and believe in it. :)

I wrote earlier about how people can have some conflicting things about them.  One of mine is that I don't identify with a religion, don't believe in a God, and yet sometimes I really wish that I could believe in a religion.

I don't want to start a debate about religions here.  It's kind of pointless in my opinion, and just ends up bringing out the worst in people.  That's part of the reason why I don't like religions... the people involved, and the fact that it seems to tear humanity apart.

I've looked at the theories behind a lot of religions.  I find that I can respect pretty much all of them, and find them admirable.  In theory, at least.  I've even looked up exactly what Satanism is.  I found out that the only real difference between a Satanist and a Christian is that the former believe that if someone does you wrong, you strike back.  It made me think about how many people I knew who called themselves Christians, but would without a doubt strike back.

Far be it for me to judge someone.  I just wish that when a baby is born in the US, it isn't automatically assumed to be straight and Christian.  It seems like a lot of people just go with what they consider to be the "norm" rather than actually choosing it.  My biggest sign of respect to religion is to not call myself a practitioner of anything.  I refuse to become a hypocrite and further give any religion a bad name.  I studied Wicca for a full year, and decided not to call myself anything of the sort because I knew I couldn't live up to the "harm none" belief, while I still thought it was funny to laugh at other people's short comings. I was only 11 then.

My life would probably be fine like this.  But I still have restless nights when I really think about the reality of DEATH.  It's not a trip to fluffy clouds for me.  For me, that's pretty absurd.  Also, I acknowledge that I'm not a good person.  If Christianity is right (sorry, others, but it's what I'm raised with) then I'd be going to hell.  I've even had a dream in which I received a call from my stepfather and he told me that he wanted to let me know that I wouldn't be seeing him again, because I don't have a soul.

For me, the thought of death goes like this... What will happen?  Will it be like falling asleep, but I never wake up again? Will I see new things, like in a dream, or will that be impossible because my brain stops working?  I guess that it wouldn't be so bad, because if it's just like never waking up, then it won't be painful.  But that's so sad at the same time, to never wake up, and never know.  Just to stop existing.  And then I think, but at least it won't happen to me.  And then I think, No.  It WILL happen to me.  Like a roller coaster you really don't want to be on anymore, but you can't get off, and there's no turning back.  It will happen to ME, whether I'm ready or not.  And it's so scary.

I wish I could believe in a god, any god, and a happy afterlife to look forward to.  But I really can't.  I even wish I could lose enough brain cells to get myself to believe in something that sounds like a fantasy land.  I already have trouble connecting with reality, so this shouldn't be so hard, you'd think.

I want to believe in you, oh sparkly ghost!

People have such interesting brushes with the unknown.  This whole question is why I'm so fascinated by the paranormal, I think.  But those superstitions and religions have existed for years, so I know I'm not the only one.  The question for me is, did they find something real, or are billions of people just desperate enough or foolish enough to believe in a story that someone made up?  How does it feel to be one of the people who say that they can look into their hearts and know these things to be true?  I may find it ridiculous now, but I bet it'd feel pretty good to have faith in something.

And then I remember that it seems like too many people only believe so they can feel morally justified, or other selfish reasons.  I know that doesn't describe everyone, and it shouldn't stop me from finding a religion, but it does.

On the Absolute Write forums, someone posted along the lines of saying that characters shouldn't be based on real people, they should be stereotypes that walk and talk like real people do.

I'm a real person! Honest!

 
Cue a knee jerk reaction that, Noooo stereotypes are bad.  But it got me thinking, any way.  I still think writing a character as a stereotype is lazy and a bad way to purposely approach making a character.  But basing your character after your best friend is not the wisest move, either.

Writers really shouldn't insert themselves into a story, but is there ever a character that a writer can't see themselves in at all?  I don't think so - not if the character is well-rounded enough.

This is my outward appearance.

People are tricky, complex, contradicting creatures.  I might as well just talk about myself as the only example, because I'm best qualified to talk about me.  If I had to give myself a quick stereotypical description, I'd probably go with "attention whore".  I always want something crazy to say to get attention.  But at the same time I'm really reclusive and I suck at socializing with people.  Is that description accurate?  Yes, but it's grossly one dimensional.  There are a million little things that make up who I am, and most of them are oddly contradicting.

Me as a writer. Yes, this disturbs me, too.

 If you saw my profile on AW, its got an avatar with a fat unicorn and rainbows, and my signature is similarly packed with sickeningly cute things.  Yet I don't often find something worth writing unless it's full of disembowelment or such things.  I love unicorns and glitter, my personality to others is pretty much trying to be everyone's funny friend, but I write about death and mayhem.  If I were a character, you'd probably throw the book against the wall because I'm so wildly inconsistent and badly written.

I am a character.

What?  No, I didn't self-insert.  At least, I didn't try to.  I will confess, when I began my character, she was secondary and I could only describe her in a stereotype, knowing fully well that it wasn't all she was:  "slutty".  That was all that I could put my finger on.  Now that characterization is kind of obliterated, but she's still the same girl.  I see myself in her - namely, the lack of ability to connect to reality.  I didn't even realize it.

My werewolf? I see my shared desire for the macabre.

Her brothers?  I see my struggle with sexuality, how sometimes I can think I'm better and smarter than other people, and my fear of "settling" for what life has given me.

Every one seems to have a piece of me, or something that I can connect to.  Even though one is closeted, one is racist, and one is family orientated, and those are things that are far away from what I am.

What I'm getting at is that it's okay to put a piece of yourself into a character.  There's a difference between writing yourself into a self-indulgent fantasy, and putting a facet of yourself and your experience into a character.

This book emotionally destroyed me. So good.

I've been many people in my life.  I've been an angry little kid.  I've been naive and detached from reality.  I've been a loving friend, and I've been a backstabber.  I've been a criminal.  I've been a philosopher.  I've been the girl who lost a parent.  I've been the one who will fight to the death over what she believes in, but who is too insecure to pick up a phone.  To label myself as one of any of those things is ridiculously narrow, but I can use a few of those facets and build an entirely new character.

It's not just my characters.  Take Animorphs, for example (I loved Animorphs. Okay, I still do).  Jake, the virtuous leader. Rachel, the fighting spirit.  Marco, the joker.  Tobias, the emotionally aloof.  Cassie, the bleeding heart.  Ax, the curious and intellectual.  I see parts of myself in all of them, even if I don't like it.
 
I'm interested - if you think about it, can you relate to all of your major characters, even if you have to admit it's through a bad trait?

People say, Write what you know.

Since when have you ever known YOURSELF to be a one-sided stereotype?

Time for another blog chain!

This month's prompt: Setting the Scene

Write a location description, and make us feel as if we are there. No dialogue, no introductory comments, just a location. We're the tourists, you're the guide.

---

There's a divergence along the road, splitting off to the left.  For the last few miles, drivers went by lush green trees with branches full of thick leaves, and only glimpses of a space beyond, glimpses at a silvery expanse of water.  Now this new path leads to a clearing through the beautiful but isolating trees. The road turns from smooth tar to sun-baked dirt as it approached the water.  There is a small row of parking spaces, and not another soul around.  Leaving the vehicle behind, one can walk down to the lake's shore and look over the water.  The sun is hot and bright, but a wind blows just gently enough to keep the air comfortable.  There are colorful canoes along the far away sides of the lake.  The water is a narrow stretch, but it is long - looking straight out, one can only see a endless path of water into the horizon.  Perhaps it even does go out to the ocean.

A rusted sign says No Swimming, but a dip doesn't seem necessary anyway.  A small dock stretches out onto the water.  Walking onto the firm wooden planks is like being on the playground again as a child.  On each side one can see rocks and plants just underneath the water.  They have a yellowish tone, with light rippling around them, and a slightly slimy look.  Unfortunately, there are no fish to be seen.  As one walks out further, the water darkens until even squinting, the bottom is no longer visible.  With a shift of weight, one can gently rock the dock side to side.  There's something entirely relaxing about water, or the calm, quiet day, or the warm weather.  A temptation to go ahead and ignore that No Swimming sign.  Not that a swim would be necessary, but it would be fun.



orion_mk3 - http://nonexistentbooks.wordpress.com (link to this month's post)
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Ralph Pines - http://ralfast.wordpress.com/ (link to this month's post)
AuburnAssassin - http://clairegillian.com/ (link to this month's post)
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Aheïla - http://thewriteaholicblog.wordpress.com/ (link to this month's post)
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Robbi Sommers Bryant - http://www.robbibryant.blogspot.com (link to this month's post)

I've seen so many things on TV, movies, and books about high school and teenagers that I'm starting to get concerned about what is a 'normal' high school experience. 

I see these 30-something actors trying to act out an edgy screenplay.  There's either so much bullying, these kids look like a hive mind mafia, or there's a large group of BFFs who are so close, they'd use the same bathroom stall and then reminisce in their diaries for an hour.

High school must be horrible for someone somewhere. I'm not even sure, because I've only been to pretty rural schools. No gangs, not much racial diversity, not so much with the rampant bullying.  Do we have problems?  Sure. My school still has drug users, fights, drop outs, and girls who get knocked up in the 8th grade.

Why are the problems so amplified in movies?  There always seems to be a gang of uber-popular girls plotting to basically break some other person's kneecaps.  I realize that a story needs a conflict, and some of these stories are based off of real experience.  Sad for the person who had to go through that.  But can we get a little more of a rounded view of it?  If I based my thoughts of high school off of books and movies, I'd start to think I was going into a warzone, or that there's a 150% chance I'll come out pregnant and addicted to heroin or cutting myself.


First of all, yeah, I've known some people who did cut themselves.  Let's dispell some stereotypes.  They didn't walk around with gothic clothing believing that they are so much emotionally deeper than everyone else.  They were mostly girls, but these were just the ones I knew about.  They wore long sleeves and hoodies even in the summer.  They were not friendless, they were not depressed 24/7 or suicidal.  One girl I knew told me that she cut absolutely anywhere she could get away with.  Not her arms, her entire body.

These people still have friends, though.  Friends, boyfriends, interests, pets, things they love.  At least in my experience, these people were not socially rejected, or completely alone.  It's something else altogether.  Something I don't think I could begin to dwell on, and won't attempt to do so.

Bullying? I won't pretend it's not a problem. Our school seemed to think there was a problem, judging by the poorly drawn anti-bullying posters on the walls. There was one boy that I'll call Greg for the sake of this post. When I first met him, he was picked on by other kids. I felt bad for him... for all of five minutes. Then I realized why he was picked on -- he made ridiculous claims, like that deer had opposable thumbs, or that he'd killed a wolf with his bare hands when he was 8. Moreover, instead of being able to laugh and let it roll off of his back, everything that people said struck him like a fatal arrow.


This is the age group that calls names, cuts other people's hair off, and could get away with destroying property. If your high school resembles this... just wtf?


 The most recent bullying I saw in a movie was a girl with leg braces being called a retard by another girl and having a drink dumped all over her right in the middle of a (conveniently empty) hallway. High school, really? Because I've had drinks thrown at me... in middle grade. I've seen girls blow up about friendships and boyfriends over the slightest thing... in junior high. Why are these the things that get portrayed in high school? We kind of grew out of that, thank god.

But again, I've only been to one high school.  Other ones sincerely do have problems with gangs, hard core drugs, weapons, etc.  I was lucky, I suppose.  I'm not trying to dismiss those other experiences. Just remember that my experience is valid, too.  Not all high schools are full of horrible people.  (But they still feel like prisons and incite anxiety and depression in plenty of people anyway.)   I was not a jock, not a popular person, but I didn't have to live inside a clique.  I was able to be what I wanted, and do what I wanted to.  Popular kids would even talk to me or pay me a compliment now and then.  Imagine that! What a relief.

My tip to anyone still in school: learn to let things roll off your back.  Laugh it off.  Things don't have to be so serious and grave all the time.  Worry more about that 7 page report you have to write for the teacher you hate. But not too much.  Just get it done and bond with some of your peers by complaining about it. ;)